Ranting

Ranting is a talent.

This is an edit of my rant on ranting taken from a previous version of this web site.

I rant alot. I probably rant more than you care to read them. I really don’t care what you think about it, but I feel I should defend myself with respect to why I do it and my personal ranting style.

Why I do it is because the Internet has empowered everyone with a voice and I fully intend to use it. I’m fairly certain that this site will never reach huge levels of popularity, but that’s still not going to stop me from speaking (or rather writing) my mind.

I rant about alot of things. Usually I rant about one subject – it’s easier to keep focused on one topic and digress on all the nuances of that one subject. It adds cohesion to the rant and keeps me from straying too wildly on lots of non-sensical or depressing subjects. Those kinds of depressing and confusing rants are usually the ones where people digress from topic to topic, lose track of where they started, and finish with no point except to be more depressed than when they started.

I never intend to have a point that I’m writing towards, but often I lead up to one after a while of weaving through a topic. Writing down a thought helps me home into the way I really feel about something, and the “point” that I get to is often my most true opinion on that topic.

I look to humorists for the best inspiration on ranting. My favorites are George Carlin and Dennis Miller. Carlin is the master at pointing out human eccentricities in our language and behavior. Carlin’s observations are usually simple things like “why do we drive in a parkway and park on a driveway?” Most of us are to preoccupied doing human things like working and shopping that we don’t pay attention to the stupid small shit that occupies our mundane lives, and Carlin is more than ready to point those things out to us.

Miller is quite different than Carlin. I highly suggest you watch the opening rant on his TV show if you get the chance – mine is a more direct relative of his style than anything else. He picks a topic, rants on it, fills it with references that only he understands, and comes to a poignantly humourous point that may be exaggerated but is usually well taken. He expounds on broader topics than Carlin – power, drugs, sports – but the similarity is there.

And if you take those two, you’ll see a little better where I’m coming from. Unfortunately, some people choose to fill their web pages with senseless thoughts or things that are more personal than what they should be putting on the internet. Shame on them – they waste my time and precious net bandwidth with stupid shit that I don’t care about. On one hand, I’m reading lots of stuff that has no point and is only a collection of meaningless sentences. On the other hand people present trivialities and private thoughts that I don’t care to read about. I’ve got my own problems and nuances to deal with and I don’t care about yours.

The point of ranting is to have a point. You can rant about lots of things in a rant, but you can’t have ten points and expect someone to absorb all of those when they’re done with it. Likewise, you can’t have no point and expect people to remember it. There’s a fine line between a rant and bullshit, and I try hard to walk the line because I know that alot of what I say here is my own shit spewing everywhere.

Of course, you can fully expect that any point I make here will have no socially redeeming value or will be something you won’t agree with because I really am out to piss everyone off with this site. At this time, I want to thank Calamarco.com, my site host, for turning a blind eye to what would otherwise be a banned site on any other server for what could be deemed offensive content.

This is my promise to you: I will only make rants of the highest quality. Screened by me and edited by me, I will hand craft each rant to the peak of sarcasm, wit, and offensiveness, so that you, the reader, will be flabbergasted at the crudeness and crassness that I exude in this text.

A trick is no longer a trick once you know how it’s done.

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